14 Jul

An empty prescription bottle sits on my dresser. The label says – No more refills. On July 1st, I swallowed my last pill of tamoxifen, bringing an end to five years of cancer treatment.

Now that the treatment is over, I was so hoping to finally be feeling better. I’m not.  This is disappointing, of course, but I had been warned that the side effects of tamoxifen can take up to six months to subside.

Even though I still feel pretty lousy, I did notice one really good thing that has taken place since I stopped taking the tamoxifen – eyelashes! Tamoxifen does not cause total hair loss like intravenous chemo does. But it does cause hair thinning. I’ve spent the last several months doing comb-over tricks trying to hide the balding spot on the back of my head. And I lost most of the eyelashes on my lower eye lids. However, a few days ago, I was delighted to see tiny new eyelashes sprouting on those lower lids.

I know. It’s kind of silly to get so excited over something as insignificant as eyelashes. But to me, those lashes are an indication that my body can and is recovering from the one-thousand, eight-hundred and twenty-five days of taking tamoxifen. As I see it, those eyelashes are nothing less than a loving gift of hope from a Heavenly Father who has known the exact number of hairs on my head each day during these last five years.

Remember the one-word New Year’s resolution that I shared with you awhile back? It was renewal. I had hoped that 2011 would be a year of renewal for me. A time of restoration. A renewing of my body, mind, and spirit. Eyelashes.

I’m ready for it. Definitely ready.


8 Responses to “Hope”

  1. Phyllis Perkins July 14, 2011 at 8:05 pm #

    Wonderful! Eyelashes are important signposts! Five years is a great milepost, too! Take care and keep writing. You are an encourager.


  2. Jaclyn July 14, 2011 at 10:07 pm #

    A Scripture came to mind…the one where Jesus tells us that if we who are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to His children. Jake and I are praying for eyelashes friend.

  3. Kamela July 15, 2011 at 8:53 am #

    God loves to give us little gifts to remind us that He cares for us and the tiny details in our lives. I think it is a simple way for Him to share hope with us which will then get us through the bigger stuff we must endure.

  4. Darel Grauberger July 15, 2011 at 1:51 pm #

    He is always in the details- so glad you shared this.

  5. jebaire7 July 15, 2011 at 3:46 pm #

    AMEN, Jill!!!!

  6. Sandy July 15, 2011 at 5:19 pm #

    “Morning by morning new mercies I see:
    All I have needed Thy hand hath provided
    Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!”

  7. Kim Forseth July 18, 2011 at 8:45 am #

    I understand the hope within you. I have been reading the book of Joel- short, only three chapters, but a wonderful story of repentance, transformation, and restoration. The best is yet to come girl. Hold on, our Heavenly Father has promised the restoration (renewal) and he promises it will be abundant! Thanks for sharing.

  8. writergirldreams July 19, 2011 at 2:38 pm #

    Well Jill Jill Jill. Let me say those first two sentences you knocked right out of the park. You could have written a post with just those two sentences and it would have said everything I need to hear, still taking my Tamoxifen with a long long way to go. “No more refills.” Lord help me get there. Help me get there.

    But oh no, you didn’t stop there, cause you are Jill, and you know how to wrap a word around a sentiment, and you’re pretty good with the metaphors too.

    Eyelashes. Coming round again.
    Jill. Coming round again.
    I wish I was there to share some butterfly kisses with you.
    love love love ya Sister.
    On the path with you, hey, wait up!

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