Elf-Control

29 Mar

Today we are celebrating the birthday of my first-born son. Never a dull moment with this one around. Over the years, I’ve learned a few things by being this kid’s mother. One of the most significant lessons he has taught me is how to deal with whatever unexpected surprises life feels inclined to sling my way. I didn’t used to like dealing with stuff like that. But I’m pretty good at it now. I’ve had a lot of practice, thanks to my son.

When he was a preschooler, my son wrote a story. (Okay, I might have helped a little bit). We called it “Elf-Control” and it was published in MomSense magazine. It’s a very true story and I believe it gives an accurate glimpse of what life has been like here for these past 17 years. In recognition of my son’s birthday, I’d like to share his story with you.

Elf-Control

Cats don’t like dogs. I figured that out when Daddy put another dog in our back yard. Mommy calls it a stray, but I call him Bo. My cat, Toonce, doesn’t particularly like my Lucy-Dog, but she likes Bo even less.

The trouble all started when I saw that the dogs were looking bored. I offered to take them for a ride—in Mommy’s car. Of course we never got out of the garage, but it was still great. Bo chewed up the gear shifter while Lucy-Dog sat in the back seat eating Mommy’s favorite Twila Paris CD. My job was to flash the lights and honk the horn. Bo and Lucy loved it! Mommy apparently did not. She charged into the garage and started hollering and waving her arms. All that carrying–on scared Bo, and he peed in the driver’s seat. Mommy ordered us all out of her car, and as I walked past her, I covered my bottom just in case she was thinking about a spanking. But she just closed her eyes and started mumbling about elf-control. I figured it was best to sneak away while her eyes were still closed.

The dogs seemed disappointed that the car ride had ended, but I thought some water play might cheer them up. If only I had a swimming pool… I went to the far side of the house, turned on the hose water full blast, and let it run. Meanwhile, I was going to tell Mommy I was sorry about her car, but I accidentally stepped in doggie poo-poos. When she discovered I had tracked poo-poos into the house, she started talking to herself about the elf-control again, and I figured it was best to go back outside.

I decided to check on the water. The back half of the yard was now a large pool. I couldn’t have been happier. I stripped down and went skinny-dipping. But Mommy got suspicious when she looked out the kitchen window and saw Bo chewing on my Batman underwear. She ran outside and started hollering and waving her arms again. All the commotion woke up my cat Toonce who was snoozing in my tree-house which was now surrounded by water.

Now there’s one thing I know for sure, and it’s that cats don’t like water. I put my toy fireman hat on Bo’s head and we waded through the water to the tree-house to rescue poor Toonce. But Toonce evidently didn’t understand the rescue plan, because instead of coming with me and Bo, she leaped onto the only other dry thing – Mommy – who was bent over trying to shut off the hose water. Bo must have thought it was a game, because he started nipping at Toonce’s orange tail. Never before have I seen Mommy with a spitting ball of fur stuck on her back.

By the time it was over, we were all wet and muddy. Mommy was not smiling, so I reminded her about the elf. She looked confused. “You know, the elf!” I said. “The elf who always makes everything okay again after little boys mess up.”

Finally, Mommy smiled and gave me a hug. She explained that God is the one who makes everything okay. Because God gives mommies lots of self-control, especially for days just like today.

 

Like I said, never a dull moment here since the day God blessed my life with my wonderful son.

Happy Birthday, Kyle.

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3 Responses to “Elf-Control”

  1. Becky March 30, 2011 at 9:40 am #

    This was so cute. I remember when my girls were little and they were responsible for making their beds (or trying to). Once in a while I would go in when they weren’t paying attention and make the beds for them. They’d want to know who made them and I would tell them the elves did it. It’s amazing how wonderful the elves can be.

  2. writergirldreams March 31, 2011 at 11:08 pm #

    Where does one obtain the services of an elf anyway? Happy Birthday Kyle. from one of your Mama’s biggest fans.

  3. Fawn B. April 13, 2011 at 12:14 pm #

    Oh how I love your stories! This one must made me LOL 🙂 Every time I pass your family I can’t help but smile and wave, your such good people. I need to find me some more of that elf-control 🙂

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