What Was I Thinking?

21 Jan

When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, I remember telling my husband that I wanted to keep my illness a secret. After all, breast cancer is a private matter. People aren’t all that comfortable talking about breasts anyway, right?

I soon discovered that it’s pretty hard to retain any sense of privacy in a room full of doctors, nurses and medical technicians when you’re the only one who’s not wearing a shirt.

Truth is — I am a very private person. Always have been. That’s why no one is more surprised than I am to find myself writing this blog. And guest blogging? Way out of my comfort zone. Even more surprising is the fact that I have written a book with the word “mastectomy” in the title.

With the upcoming release of this book, reality has set in. All week long I’ve been having WHAT-WAS-I-THINKING moments. Ever have one of those?

But each time I panic, I receive yet another email. They keep coming – emails from women who have recently been diagnosed with breast cancer or who are in the midst of treatment. I can tell that they are scared and hurting. I know. I’ve been there. There is just one thing they all want from me – they want to know how I made it through to the surviving side of cancer.

In those first few days after I had found out about my cancer, a friend rushed to my house to comfort me. After hugging me tightly, she looked into my eyes and said, “Oh Jill, how are you going to get through this?” For the longest time, we both just stared at each other. Because neither one of us knew the answer to that question.

Now I do. It’s not that I have all the answers. Not even close. But I do have the One answer I needed so badly. And I can’t wait to share Him with other women who are desperately seeking His love, His peace, His hope, His healing, and His grace.

That’s what I was thinking when I decided to write this book.

I was thinking about Him.

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2 Responses to “What Was I Thinking?”

  1. Jaclyn January 21, 2011 at 5:17 pm #

    Kind of like Esther and Sarah and Mary, all taken out of their comfort zones, wondering if they’ll live through it. Your faith and courage builds my faith. Thank you.

  2. writergirldreams January 22, 2011 at 2:18 am #

    Maybe our greatest moments of courage and authenticity come from inside that space when we are not thinking, but opening, stripped down, naked. Sometimes great adversity is the grit needed to create that pearl. When you dare remove all that pretense and wanna be, when you reveal your most wounded fragile glorious imperfect self, the one you would have kept to yourself if this had not happened, that is when you have the greatest opporunity to share and be heard. Your truth is so disarming and evokes such tenderness, it opens doors and softens hearts once closed, allowing God to step in. I have always been a private proud person too Jill. Would we have ever stepped out of the shadows, to sing so loud, if this had not happened to us? Stop thinking. Keep singing. You are doing just fine. wgd

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